"MOVE ON ... ASSHOLE!!!

January 23, 2007: I was called an ASSHOLE!!! A big hulking FOREIGNER with a very distinctive American accent riding his motorcycle shouted at me across the road as I was turning my car towards my daughter’s school. I have never felt so enraged in my entire life!

I would have taken that insult lightly coming from another Filipino, but from a GUEST of our OWN CITY? A foreigner residing in the Philippines, my very own COUNTRY???? Abusing me right in the presence of my own child????

Whatever did I do to him? I was not driving fast enough and got in his way, that's what!

I should not let that BRUTE affect me this way, as I’ve been telling myself. But as I now sit in front of my computer, I fume with indignation thinking of that BIG BULLY, who, as far as I am concerned, has overstayed his welcome in my very own Dumaguete!

That swine should be taught his lessons on manners and proper courtesy, but really, can a little worm-brained American who apparently has never set foot in any classroom, much less entered the era of the civilized world, and whose very existence is centered at elbowing his way around Filipinos whom he considers his inferiors, be taught anything above that? I bet that Neanderthal can’t even be taught how to use a deodorant!!! (My apologies to the pigs and the worms. I did you great injustice by naming you in the same breath as that tyrant. You’re too noble and dignified compared to “that”, actually!)

How I wished at that exact moment to go after him and pummel his face blue and black, and as finishing touch, stuff his mouth full of cat poo to deodorize it a bit!

Realistically though, I am barely five feet two inches tall. That pre-historic beast must be at least six feet three, with a bodybuilder’s physique! And to think that when I first caught a glimpse of him prior to our encounter, I thought of the Greek God, Adonis ….

All man by outward appearances, but inside … I wonder! His affinities as to gender seriously comes into question.

Oh well, I therefore conclude that his massive bulk is INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL to the size of his brain and manners!

My husband Nonoy had his own close encounter with another foul-mouthed American a few years back. Without any provocation from him whatsoever, this elderly “guest” sped past our vehicle and shouted MORON at him. (Actually, Nonoy was driving slowly. That must have been the provocation.) My husband went after him and a big argument ensued. When I asked why he had to stoop into that person’s level, he explained to me in this way:

“Whenever I’m in their country, I obey their laws, observe my manners, and take their insults and abusive behavior in silence, because it’s their turf and there is nothing that I could do about that.

But NO WAY will I go on taking that kind of treatment right here in my own country! They are in OUR LAND, let them accord to us the very same respect and courtesy we give to them when we are in theirs!”

I agree with my husband wholeheartedly!!!

Now that I have let my fury out of my system, may I say that not all of our foreign guests can be equated with those two non-entities. I am not judging all foreigners on the same level, nor do I see them in the same light with which I view those two. I judge people, foreign or Filipino brother, according to his own merits.

I am reserving my wrath and acerbic opinions only to “Asshole” and “Moron”. Those two are in a class of their own. I will form opinions as to the rest as I see them, one person at a time, and pending that, I give the benefit of the assumption that every one of them is as decent as any human being could ever be.

I don’t have foreigners within my immediate circle of friends but I do know Negros Chronicle columnist Kojak Hughs of whom I hold the highest respect. And then there is David Atwood, a British gentleman I regularly correspond by email with. I have not met him personally yet, but David and his beautiful wife Caye, I regard with warmest and most tender affection.

David and Kojak - compassionate and decent guests of our country – they see us Filipinos with all our frailties, follies and shortcomings. Yet, I know that they respect us and judge us the way we would want to be judged: not as a people, but one person at a time.

To our foreign lady guest whom columnist Cecilia Hoffman wrote about (Gender Bender, Metropost, Jan. 21 issue), may I apologize in behalf of all Dumagueteños for the lousy treatment you are receiving from SOME of our men. If it's any consolation, you will always find those primitive types every country you’d go to. But that’s no excuse.

As our guest, you deserve to be treated fairly and with utmost respect, just as we too, deserve to be treated with the same courtesy from those whom we welcome into our shores.